What I Learned From A Night Out

I have never been the social type. Never been a social butterfly who
could make friends at the drop of a hat. Instead I am the girl who
sits alone in the corner of a smoky bar wondering what to do with
myself. When it comes to the whole bar scene I have never been good
at it. I have never been the type to go out and shake it on the dance
floor, nor have I had the guts to approach any cute guys that cross my
path. While I have for years, especially being a single mother with a
seven year old son, opted to stay home on Friday and Saturday nights,
I was recently asked by a former co-worker who had flown back into
town to come and watch his comedy act. Though hesitant at the idea of
walking into a bar alone, I finally agreed in hopes of maybe getting a
social life in the process. After fixing myself up I headed out into
the cold night and down the empty streets to find the bar already
buzzing. Life in a small town can certainly be boring at times so it
comes as no surprise that many of those searching for some fun head to
one of the many bars in town. I waltzed in and looked around for my
former co-worker and for a familiar face but no one at first. So I
walked over and sat at a lonely table against the wall not knowing
what to do with myself. I looked around at the crowd in the room and
for the longest time I was the only lonely soul there. Everyone else
were with buddies or significant others. I watched as everyone else
seemed so loosened up and unafraid of letting go. Suddenly a great-
looking guy walked my way and my heart leaped into my throat. I smiled
and began to rise all ready to say hello, only to have him walk past
me as if I didn’t exist. He wouldn’t be the first cute guy to ignore
me as more would walk past me as if I were invisible. A part of me
wanted to run out the door because I felt like such an outsider but
another part of me was determined to stay put. So I sat and nursed my
glass of pop and as my mother refers to it “people watched.” After a
brief while I was taken aback when a strange woman approached me and
began a conversation. Taking a seat across from me she began talking
to me. At first I wasn’t sure what to make of it but I spoke with her
for a while until she left for the night. When my former co-worker
arrived I waited for him to notice me waving then leaped when he came
and hugged me. My ideas of us having a conversation however, didn’t
work out as planned as he was quite a popular guy who quickly left and
began working the room, thus leaving me once again alone. After
watching his comedy act I grabbed my purse and was determined to got
out and socialize. I finally spotted someone I knew but our
conversation was quite brief as she too was quite the social butterfly
who flew off with the others. I couldn’t figure out for the life of me
what was so wrong with me. Was I trying too hard? Was I not trying
enough? I finally spotted the first comedian who performed and taking
a deep breath walked up to him and praised him for his performance. We
had a conversation for a brief while before he excused himself and
walked away to make a call. I spotted my former co-worker who was
ordering a drink from the bar and once again tried to make
conversation but he was soon pulled away by one of his pals. Once again alone I decided to try my hand at playing darts in hopes of maybe catching the attention of someone anyone. When a cute guy started heading my way I acted as though I didn’t know he was coming and continued playing darts. However, it turns out the cute guy was merely grabbing his drink at the table beside me then headed off to some girl sitting at the bar. Every guy I spotted was interested in another girl and I began to have flashes of those high school dances, where I sat on the bleachers defeated after the guy I liked asked another girl to dance. As a woman in her mid thirties I
had thought by now I would have more confidence then I do. Perhaps it
was my disastrous dating history with guys who only seemed interested
in getting laid that left me quite jaded. You can say that is the
reason I haven’t dated in eight years. But that night I put myself out
there, not wanting to pick-up a guy and get laid but to have fun. To
break out of my shell and lose some of my shyness. But that night I
learned a few things. One was that my former co-worker had moved on to
a more upbeat life. He had his own circle of friends to hang with and I was not a part of that circle. In fact I am not really a part of any circle.Two was that while I did feel lonely for a while I did have the company of someone nice who talked to me when no one else wanted to. Though I didn’t catch her last name I am thankful to the woman who made the time to have a
conversation with me. The final thing I learned was that I am just not
cut out for the bar scene. I never have been and I probably never will
be. It’s not that I am anti-social in fact I do have friends but those
friends aren’t into the bar scene either. I learned that some people
have an air of confidence that makes them the life of a party and some
do not. I am one of those who lacks that air of confidence. One who is
often the wallflower and the one you never notice. I finally grabbed
my coat and walked out knowing that no one would miss me once I left
for many didn’t know I was even there. While I am not cut out for the
bar scene that doesn’t mean I will give up on my mission to become
more social. After all there are many ways to obtain a social life and
they don’t all involve drinking and partying. Who knows maybe down the
road I will meet the right guy. I will a find a group of friends willing to spend time with me. Until that time I will continue trying to break out of my shell and maybe someday I finally make it to that dance floor.


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