Why I had decided on enrolling my son is baseball I do not know. I suppose I could have gone with soccer but I would still be facing the same challenges I face right now. Let me start out by saying that I am not the most organized parent. I don’t have a schedule of events hanging on my fridge nor do I have things sitting in little bins with colored coded labels. I have never fit into the same mold as other parents and I don’t really have the desire to. However, I was standing at my son’s baseball practice when I noticed that all of the other kids had their own helmets, gloves, bats and fancy carrying bags. I must have been tuning out when the coach said that those items were needed because the only item on that list that I had managed to get was a helmet. I looked down at my son who looked up at me then at the other kids then back at me and I felt so frustrated that I just about bursted into tears. I often envy the parents who know what they are doing and seem to be winging the whole parenthood thing. I find myself wondering if god handed out instruction books to only a select few but left me to have to figure it for myself. When it comes to sports I am not one of those parents who get all worked up. The main reason I got my son involved was to help him socialize with other kids. Diagnosed with highly functioning autism my son has always struggled with socialization skills. Sometimes he invades personal space and finds himself isolated because the other kids just don’t understand why he does that. We have spent the last couple years working with a mobile therapist in hopes that my son’s behaviors would get better and in many ways they have. No longer does he jump out of his carseat while I am driving down the road, nor does he bolt out onto the road without looking both ways. Some days are better then others but there are still those days when I must deal with some horrible meltdowns. Days when I find myself wanting to lock myself in the bathroom and have a good cry. There are the days when I find myself trying to get my son to eat something and days when it takes every ounce of my being not to get upset that he just purposely dumped his medicine all over the living room floor. Or those days when he defies me by eating on the sofa or tossing things down the stairs. Though there are the days when I feel like I am about to lose my sanity there are also days when we cuddle on the couch and I immediately forget about all that came before that moment. Those are the days I remember the most and no matter how challenging parenthood can be at times I know that there are far more awards then challenges.