How I have embraced being single

I see them all around me. Happy couples holding hands, giving kisses and holding each other. Deep within there is envy in my heart for it has been so long since I have been held by a man. But then I am reminded of the battle I have been through. Many who know me don’t know me at all. They see a determined young woman full of goals that I aim to accomplish but they don’t know the scars that I carry. They don’t know the pain I have felt or the fear that consumed me for many years. For the past eight years I have embraced being single. I have not dated or looked for a man. Sure I have been tempted. Yes I have longed for a relationship at times but I carry a strength within me that has helped me weather every storm I have faced and I have never once needed a man to help me weather any storm. I have watched the women around me hop into relationships not long after leaving one, or turning to dating sites, I myself was guilty of that in my twenties when I jumped from one guy to another. However, I came to realize the unhealthy path I was on when I ended up in an abusive relationship that left me mentally scared. It has taken me eight years to heal. Eight years to get my self-esteem back up. Yes I am happy for them and I am glad they found that special someone but I am the complete opposite. I don’t mind being single and dateless. Sure I spend my friday and saturday nights with my son. I sometimes look out the window and wish I could journey to Pittsburgh to see the nightlife and hopefully I will. However, I look to my son and realize that he is growing up fast. Come January he will be nine years old. I have come to realize that maybe there is a reason God hasn’t brought that special guy to me yet.  Maybe he wants me to cherish these years with my son as much as possible or maybe there is a lesson I still have to learn. Being single for all these years have opened my eyes. I have seen the world much differently then I saw it before. As a single mother I keep myself focused on my son and on work. I keep myself active in my community and help those in need. Though I don’t have a boyfriend I haven’t given up hope.After all my grandmother was not much older then me when she met my grandfather while crossing the street one day. I can still remember her saying to me,”Don’t worry God will bring you the right man when he feels you are ready.” So I leave it up to fate. I am not searching for love but instead I am letting it find me because I feel it will happen when God wants it to happen. Til then I will continue to embrace being single.

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